Why do we relapse? Hell, why do we ever start drinking at all? Alcohol is a social lubricant. It can take our personalities and launch them from being shy and quiet, to being outgoing and the life of the party and everything in between in two drinks flat. Nothing works better. It takes little to no effort to be the human being you want to be for the next few hours with alcohol! Sound like an endorsement? It’s not. Instead, it’s a reminder that there are no easy ways out when it comes to being you.
For most of us, living on this planet is no easy task, and with technology shrinking the world and putting it in the palm of your hand, it gives us more reasons to want to be someone other than who we really are than ever before, because there are more things to try and be. We are in very a unique situation at this point in history. We have more access to the world and information now, than any other time in recorded human history, and we still don’t know shit. That’s because it’s hard to tell what information is good for us and what is not. It’s the same with the substances that we put into our body. It can be hard to tell what is good for us and what is bad for us. For example, my whole life I was told the marijuana is bad and booze is okay. If I had known then, what I know now about weed, I’d probably still be married. We get drug tested when we get new jobs but never tested for alcohol, which is one of the most powerful drugs out there. Alcohol is one of the few substances that you can die from during withdrawals. I don’t know about you, but I’m amazed by that fact and that it’s so readily available. We have giant warehouses and dedicated stores across the country, storing and selling this potentially deadly, ingestible chemical. Why can I get gas for my car and booze for my belly at the same place? Isn’t drinking and driving illegal? (I want to put an LOL in there so bad) Those are mixed signals on the difference between right and wrong.
Believe it or not, I have nothing against alcohol. Call me an idiot, but I believe it’s the individual that makes the substance bad, not vice versa. The substance has no conscious brain. I do. I’m the one that ruined it for myself. It wasn’t intentional, but I tried to take the easy way out of being me. That felt REALLY good to say! I almost want to stop right here and drop the mic, but there’s more. After I started meditating, I realized that most of the things that I do come from the subconscious mind. I try to fool myself into thinking that I’m behind the wheel, but now I know which part of the brain is doing most of the work. I’m not the one telling my heart to beat, it’s my subconscious mind doing that. I think it should be called the higher conscious mind because it does way more than we can comprehend, and it’s also where our memories are stored. I’m not a neurologist, but I do know that if I was storing the memory of how to move my feet when I walk, or how to move my jaw and make sounds when I speak, that I would have no room in my conscious mind to think or even be conscious.
I believe that we store memories over our lifetime and the way we perceive them are affected by how we are feeling in the current moment. Have you ever watched a movie twice and had a different opinion each time? It’s called changing your mind. We do it all the time. It’s how we perceive something at the time, one minute we hate something and the next minute we love that very same thing. We’re freaks! Which brings me to my point. How can we get above relapse?
Our higher conscious mind is trying not to freak us out, but sometimes it has a hard time doing so. It has a billion times more information than we would ever be able to handle at one time, so it only let’s out what we tell it to, but it also hides things. It especially hides things that we become afraid of and tucks away our feelings deep down inside where we can’t get to them, but only at our request. We bury our fears, our feelings, and emotions if we don’t deal with them and the cycle begins. We are the ones telling our higher conscious minds to bury emotions deeper, even if we don’t know it at the time. We get scared and become more fearful each time an event sparks that original terrified feeling that we’ve been wrestling with to keep buried, until the higher conscious mind has finally had enough and tells you there is a problem in the form of anxiety. By the time that happens, we couldn’t possibly remember what we didn’t deal with to cause the anxiety, so we look for other solutions. I drank. That’s what a lot of people do, only I didn’t want to deal with anything so I over used alcohol almost to the point of no return. This is why I meditate.
Meditating puts me above all the noise in my life and allows me to observe it from a completely different perspective. Learning about human consciousness and why humans do things hasn’t hurt either. It’s not the only solution, but rather a tool you can use from day-to-day to learn about yourself and what your mind and body are telling you. It has also helped a great deal in finding many of my childhood fears and feelings that would have contributed to my past destructive behavior. With this knowledge and tools that I learned to use like meditating and staying healthy have put me far above any type of relapse. Knowing yourself will make this process easier and meditating is a great way to get to know yourself. Your mind and body are telling you how to fix yourself. You just have to listen.