A friend of mine was asking about the tagline on my site. “There’s way more going on in your head than there is in reality.” He thought it was kind of silly and didn’t really get what I meant even after I tried to explain it to him. So, instead of trying to find ways to explain it further, I decided to show him exactly what I was taking about. I had brought my lunch that day, but saw an opportunity to show him what it meant. Later, I asked him what he wanted to do for lunch and he said, “I don’t know.” It’s a perfectly normal answer to a perfectly normal question, but I wanted to show him the kind of thought could go into something so simple as lunch. So we tried to decide on lunch for almost an hour.
What happens when you’re trying to decide what to have for lunch or dinner? You think about it for a while, check out a few places on the internet, and maybe go back and forth with someone about what to eat. Next thing you know, forty-five minutes goes by and you still haven’t decided on anything, so you end up just grabbing something from a fast food place but never feel satisfied with what you ate. It happens to me all the time, or at least it used to. I would think “I’d love some chicken, but the place is too far,” or “If I have a burger now, then what will I have for dinner, because I had whatever for breakfast and I don’t want to keep doing the same thing over and over… blah.” Then you start picturing yourself eating something or sitting down in a restaurant, maybe trying to decide what to order there. There can be a lot of energy spent on just thinking about what you want to eat. “There’s way more going on in your head than there is in reality!”
If you didn’t know what that meant before, hopefully you know now. Have you ever contemplated God, or life? At that moment, there is nothing going on around you, in your world, except for the thoughts in your head. It doesn’t matter what you’re contemplating, there’s always more going on in your thought, than what’s directly in front of you. Now if you’re an alcoholic, multiply the feeling that you’re stuck in your head by 1,000,000 and you might be able understand why someone would relapse. I knew I was doing a bad job of what I was keeping in my head. That was an ‘ah ha’ moment for me. When I felt comfortable enough to accept that there were things going on in my head that had nothing to do with reality, that’s when everything changed. I would ‘what if’ myself to death, literally, in my own head, I would feel like I was dying. “What if I have a drink?”, or “What if I tell someone I need help?”, and even “What if the person I tell that I need help, is the wrong person?” It’s enough to drive someone insane. Imagine all the directions even one question can go, then imagine that there are ten thousand questions, all of which can go down any road at any time. How does somebody deal with that, especially when their brain isn’t functioning properly to begin with because they don’t have the alcohol to drown it out, or worse, doing while you’re drunk?
You don’t have to be an alcoholic to understand this concept. An anxiety problem will have nearly the same effect on someone. That’s why I started drinking so heavily in the first place. So, what’s the solution? Am I supposed to drive to a meeting? F*ck that, it’s next to impossible drive when my head is like that because I can’t even concentrate enough to microwave a Hot Pocket. I’d probably have an accident or kill someone with my car because my anxiety was through the roof. The reaction time someone has in that state is far worse than someone who is thinking clearly. So, what was my solution? Thankfully, there’s not just one.
Instead of trying to ‘fight a battle’ with alcoholism, I decided to get to know alcoholism and what it was all about. Who wants to fight a war for the rest of their lives, especially one they’ve already lost before? I see people with things like ‘sober warrior’ in their online descriptions all the time. I believe the intention is good, but I think it’s a horrible way to approach it. I found ways to calm my brain like meditating, running, writing, painting, exercising, studying, and learning. When I meditated, I pictured my thoughts in a tornado, but instead of ‘fighting’ with the nonsense, I wouldn’t give it any validity. An incredible thing happened after that… when I stopped being a warrior with myself and let things go, the tornado became less violent each day. The important things either never leave, or always come back because they’re important, but they come back as smaller problems with easier solutions. I started learning about new things and relearning old things, but from a different perspective. I started listening to calming music and I using essential oils for aroma therapy and massage. I’m going to go more in depth on all of that, but in a different article.
The important thing to remember is that, it’s 100% possible to get unstuck and out of your head. It’s probably a bad neighborhood right now anyways. There’s no need to fight with yourself because the only result will be you, beating yourself up, because no one else is there. Think about it… Have a powerful day!