I’m not really somebody that likes to toot my own horn, so sometimes, it can be difficult to explain what I do and how working with me can affect someone and their life.
So, I asked a friend who I’ve been working with for over a year to describe how his life has been affected by our conversations and what he really thinks of me.
When I received this email… I cried. I was “holy shit” honored and amazed at what he wrote. Until I read it, I hadn’t understood just how big of an impact our sessions have been making.
This is completely unedited and straight from the heart! Enjoy!
First of all, he listens. Really listens. To what you’re saying, not saying, being careful about saying, to the silences between your words. And he’s observing. Why is this so important? Because it helps him begin to hear your old stories. And why is that so important? Because you’ve been telling them so long and they’re such a part of you, that you’re probably not even aware you’re telling them.
– He challenges you. Now, don’t get me wrong. He’s a nice guy. But he’s not going to tell you what you want to hear. He’s going to tell you what you need to hear. I can’t tell you how many times I would ask him a question, share something, etc., expecting a certain answer or response, as if it would fulfill some automatic cycle I had completely for years, sitting alone with self-help books, talking to therapists, etc. But it never failed. He would usually say the thing I wouldn’t expect. He come out of “left field,” which something that would take me by surprise, but feel exactly right.
– He talks like a real person. Very real. Now, I love Eckhart Tolle‘s stuff and many of the other transformational figures out there. But the thing that really makes the difference is when I can sit down with someone who’s not only been there before, but is often still there again, like Neil. His mixture of seriousness, humor and sea-salty language makes it easier to share the tough stuff with him.
– His basic approach is to listen to you, begin to identify your old stories, point them out to you so you begin to identify them, then help you slowly see why those old stories aren’t serving you anymore. Then, by doing that, by encouraging you to be who you once were but have likely forgotten, you start to create new stories. Of course, the road will be long, and messy, and there are a lot of curves and detours and roads closed. Becoming whole and authentic is NOT for the faint of heart. But Neil is with you every step of the way. You believe that he cares about you because he does. You believe that he’s generous because he is. You believe that he doesn’t set himself apart because he’s always sharing how he’s still dealing with overcoming his own stories.
– He isn’t ashamed to share his own “stuff.” In fact, I’ve rarely met anyone who will make himself so vulnerable. And he’s doing it because he knows it’s the way for him to continue removing those old stories from his life — while also showing us that, no matter where we’ve been, no matter who we’ve been — we can always become who we want to be.
Neil also helps us rediscover the tools we already have to walk right into our greatest fear, and by embracing them, remember who we are and what we most want to be and do. Tools buried long ago by the lies we were told about ourselves and slowly began to believe were true. Lies like we’re not worth anyone’s time, like we don’t matter, like we don’t belong, and to paraphrase Elton John‘s mother in “Rocketman”— “we’ll never be properly loved.”
The best thing about Neil? He is who he is. And he doesn’t pretend to be someone else. Which is what my ultimate goal is. To learn more about myself every day so that I can transform my pain into love, and then help others do the same.
So, should you take advantage of his free coaching sessions? Well, to that, I only have one question.
Why wouldn’t you?
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