This is chapter 10 from the book I’m writing called, “The Bullshit Machine: Transcending the Delusion of Who We Think We Are”. I wanted to share this chapter as a preview for the book, which will be out in July, but also as a different perspective and understanding of what God truly is to me without the hang ups and separation of religious teachings. Feel free to contact me for more information on the book and for questions about coaching and freeing yourself from anxiety and addiction.
Chapter Ten: God, The Universe, and Humanity. The Experiencers Experiencing the Experience.
My bullshit machine wants this chapter to be perfect for some reason or another, so I’m going to do the best I can to completely ignore that. What I mean by that is, no matter what comes out onto the pages, it’s coming from my heart and is the highest truth I know right now, so I need to honor that more than aiming to write the perfect understanding for everyone who reads the book… stolen, borrowed, or bought. I’ve never written about God before, or even thought about writing about God before, because I was stuck under the notion that I wasn’t good enough to do so. Well, that’s proven itself to be bullshit, so here goes.
The identification I had with the religious understanding of God that I was taught has been a source of pain, confusion, pity, self-hatred, and a large amount of hopelessness in constantly wondering, “Did I just do the thing that’s going to send me to hell for eternity?”
The understanding I had of God when I was a kid came from catholicism, and as I got older, my favorite TV shows seemed to provide a comparable understanding to what was in my head. Shows like “The Simpsons,” “Family Guy,” and “South Park,” all hilariously painted a similar type of picture of an old white guy with a beard in the sky, hanging with Jesus, judging our stupidity, and forever battling Satan. At least in the cartoons he has a sense of humor. In what I learned early on in my life, she did not have a sense of humor. Like, not at all. I remember an incident when I was a kid where a catholic priest was very persistent with his words, telling me that if I didn’t believe what he was saying about God, as he was speaking for God, that I could burn in hell for eternity. After years of asking myself scary questions, that only led to more, even scarier questions, I finally became an Atheist.
And no… I was not looking to the Sunday night cartoon line-up on Fox and Comedy Central for my religious understanding, but they lightened up the subject for me consciously, and I learned not to take the beliefs I carried too seriously. That was on the outside.
On the inside, I was a wreck about my own true understanding of God in the subconscious program I didn’t know existed yet. That didn’t change until I finally stopped and looked inward (I realize now that waited as long as I could to do it, too.) Which reminds me to remind you that much of this book is pointing to the realization that you don’t have to wait until the shit hits the fan, you hit rock bottom, or until life forces you, to look inside yourself and what you’ve been doing and thinking about unconsciously. We can take any moment we choose, like right now, to stop blaming life for being life, and begin to create the life situations we want to be in.
Anyway, back to God, or Source, or The Universe, or the Space you’re in, or The Quantum Field, or The Divine, or your intuition, or life itself, or whatever you want to call it. As you might remember back in “PART 1: The Part Before Part 2.”: I told you that I would use different words and phrases to describe different things, with one of them being God, and there’s a reason for that. You see, I was tired of my bullshit machine reacting every time I heard the word, saw a portrayal or an image, or sensed someone was going to try to convince me that God was not a scam that humans created to gain power or riches over the people we share this planet with.
Another way to say it is that the word “God” was still a trigger, and even as I let go of the resentment I carried consciously, I continued to have a negative reaction whenever I heard the word. In my subconscious, I was still pissed off that so many people were using their version of God to control people, kill people, rape people, and steal from people. Or at least the perception I had of them.
For me, “God” was too common a word for the sensations to be so heavy in my body and the thoughts to be so negative in my head, so something had to change. Since I previously believed that God didn’t exist, I used the Universe in its place because I wanted to replace the word with something I was sure existed. I know I’m not going to stop the world from saying it, or using it the way they want to use it, so, if I wanted to not be affected the way I was being affected, I needed an understanding of what God truly is to me without being triggered by the word. Not to you. Not to my family and friends. Not to society. Not to anybody, but me. It was the understanding that my own bullshit machine came up with for the past 40 years that was causing me to be uncomfortable, so it had to be the way I felt that needed to change, not anyone else’s thoughts or actions. Make sense? (To answer that question, please write to: Bullshit Machine HQ- P.O. Box 143 Humanity Rd. Planet Earth, 00001.)
Being able to comfortably define what God means to me at a subconscious level came from a place that I hadn’t expected, but made it far easier than finding and reading all the religious texts I could to “try and figure it out.” I had a fear that one of the religions might be “right” and that I may have to study what everyone else thought over the past 10,000 years to see who I agree with. Well, thank God for quantum physics, because that wasn’t the case, even though I began that way. Of course, as soon as I became serious in my heart about truly wanting to know, the Universe shows up in my life with scientific evidence that points towards one single source, one single energy that is the reason for everything to exist.
Did the information I found that led to my current understanding of God all of a sudden become available because I decided to look? Why didn’t I, and why couldn’t I see it before I saw it? Maybe I was too busy defending my right to keep my beliefs intact and not believe. Maybe I was afraid to believe. Or maybe there’s just nothing to believe in, and God just is. Yeah! That’s the ticket! That feels good, great even. No, it’s more. That feels right and true. God just is. The Universe just is. It all just is.
Allow me to explain the evolving perspective that has forever changed the way I look at life and gives me the permission to love everything and everyone on the planet, past, present, future, and beyond. Wait.. what? What do you mean no? Why not? The explanation is a huge part of the book! You’ve been giving me a hard time about what I can write in my own book since the beginning. Geeze! If I listened to you, I’d never finish this. Let’s continue…
Since the word “God” had been such a trigger in my life, I decided to start referring to God as “The Universe,” because it lessened the impact of the subconscious triggers. This action took a lot of heaviness out of the equation as I started to understand the thing I felt I had misunderstood for nearly my entire life.
As I continued to be open to learning, read more books, and watched more teachers talking about the mind and body connection, spirituality, healing, epigenetics, quantum physics, meditation, and more, I discovered that my “change the name” idea wasn’t a new one, but very effective. Turns out, this has been a common practice used to help people like me, stuck in certain stories, to help them take their guard down for thousands of years. Perhaps a reason why there are so many names to describe God.
Now, it’s hard to imagine me being that close-minded only a short time ago, but that’s the truth so that’s what went on the page. The more we take our blinders off, the more we can discover about ourselves and how connected we all really are.
Without being triggered into being defensive, argumentative, and standoffish, we’re able to keep our personal power and use it the way we choose. The way I’ve been choosing to use this power is to undo the old beliefs that no longer serve me. I’m telling you this because what I’m about to type is very personal to me, because it’s coming from my heart, and a few of your beliefs may be challenged. Before you continue, I want you to know that what you’re about to read is not the “God answer” everyone’s looking for. I’m not trying to change your mind about anything, nor do I need to convince anybody that I’m right, because I’m not. I’m simply giving the perspective that is free from my old story, so I encourage you to take what feels good and light, and drop anything that feels heavy. This life is your very unique and personal experience after all, so make it feel true to you. So, what is God to me?
God is the source of unconditional love that all form and experience is made of. The energy that allows us to exist, animates us, beats our hearts, fills our lungs with air, and is also the experience of everything in the entire Universe. It’s the experiencer experiencing the experience through each of us uniquely. It’s the space for it all to manifest, the manifestation itself, and the space that holds the space it all exists in. What do I mean by “the space?” Try this. Wherever you are, give the space you’re in the middle finger. “What do you mean Neil?” Just look around the room, maybe make sure nobody is there so you don’t point it at anyone if you don’t have to, and just put it up. Go ahead, you’re a badass, right? You might do it all the time, it just feels different because I’m making it weird and about God. You can even give a hearty, healthy “fuck you” if it feels right.
Do it and then notice something. If you’re alone, and nobody saw or heard you, notice that there was absolutely zero resistance or judgement from the space you’re in. You were just allowed to say fuck you to the source of your existence without any judgement or reprocussions whatsoever. If you judged yourself, that’s one thing, but don’t blame the judgement on the space that allowed you to do it. That would be weird because you too, are also God. WHAAAT?!? Blasphemy! No, really. I’m not talking about the egoic bullshit that just came to your mind, like having people worship you and fall all over your every word. That would be the understanding of the God I described in the beginning of the chapter. I’m talking about realizing that the purpose we’re here is to have and do whatever we want with our experience. That’s not what religion taught me.
If God was a mountain and wanted to experience itself, how would it do so? How about adding weather, microorganisms, insects, plants, animals, and humans each having their own experience, at their own level of consciousness, with the mountain while also experiencing and interacting with everything else in nature? Let’s see how this flows out of my fingers.
A tree gets to feel what it’s like to be on the mountain, have microorganisms and insects pollinate, live in it, use it for food, die in it, help it grow, and it goes through the cycle of life. Animals get to use it as a home, maybe as a source of food, and probably a billion other things that my small mind isn’t equipped to think of and type. The mountain gets to experience what it feels like to grow a tree on itself, be a home for animals and insects, endure snow, rain, hail, mud slides, earthquakes, and more. Then the tree gets to know what it feels like to have humans chop it down so it can be a 2×4 stud when a new Wendy’s is built in Tulsa, or as a piece of furniture in your living room. All God experiencing itself.
Humans, being on a different level of consciousness, get to experience it, talk about it, write about it, make movies on it, in it, about it, and even use it for granite countertops, and the mountain sees what it can become through our interactions. It’s all here for our experience. It’s like everything we are, learn, and know, is God’s answer to the questions “what can I become?”, and “what does it feel like to experience what I can become?” It’s really so perfect and beautiful, but we get so caught up in our lives that we forget this fact about ourselves. We’re here to create, grow, live, and be in harmony with one another and with nature, with each of us being our own unique expression of God, while still knowing our oneness with source.
But wait! There’s MORE! God is the one source of everything that is, and provides, the experience of life for the entire Universe. The one thing that you’re always connected to, even if you think you’re choosing not to be. It’s the lollipop, the lollipop licker, the joy that comes from licking the lollipop, and the ants that show up 15 seconds after you drop your lollipop on the ground… and the ground you dropped it on. It’s not judging anyone, making anybody wrong, or sending anyone to hell for the crimes humanity believes you committed.
Humans made up that God has it out for us so they could gain power over one another, but in doing that, had to make God far less powerful than it really is. If God were judging anything we did, then wouldn’t it make sense that God would just poison the air around Hitler’s face, stop his heart, give him colon cancer, or let a bomb “accidentally” explode near him before he was able to gain mass support for trying to wipe out a race of humans that have a different opinion? No. What God does is allow life to experience everything in the spectrum from our brightest light to our darkest dark. Without what we call “bad”, we may not know what “good’ is.
Just as God unconditionally allows Hitler to be Hitler, Manson to be Manson, and Dahmer to be Dahmer, God also allows Fred Rogers to be Fred Rogers, Gandhi to be Gandhi, John Lennon to be John Lennon, Oprah to be Oprah, Michael Jordan to be Michael Jordan, and Neil Firszt to be Neil Firszt. God always allows and never judges the choices we make to be who we want to be, do what we want to do, and think how we want to think. Each one of us is our own unique expression of God living our lives in the God space that allows for all of what happens in life to happen. There is nobody more or less important than you. There never was and there never will be. It’s up to you how much of your God powers you give away to the bullshit machine, both in your head and the one we call society. The people I mentioned weren’t born to do what they do, they followed their interpretation of what their heads and hearts told them to do, whether it was the voices Manson heard, or the “waking up” of someone like me, each one of us is creating our lives out of the unconditional love that is God.
I don’t believe that any of us are born into what we’re going to accomplish in our lives. I believe that we’re free to make whatever choices we want to make to create the type of impact we wish to have on this planet, and all of our power comes from the same place. The journey to who we want to become and how we choose to get there is very possibly our purpose here as it provides the most growth. That’s why growth feels so difficult at times. You are becoming something the Universe has never seen, been, or imagined yet, and the fact that we’re all infinite, powerful, and beautiful makes it all possible. Most of us just don’t use that type of insight, even though we all have it, so whenever growth gets hard, we end up kicking and screaming our way through it.
Maybe we kick and scream our way through growth because our God gifts come with a lot of responsibility, like comparing ourselves to others. We get to set our sights high and use others to help set a bar for what we want to achieve, but the amount of importance we put on our achievements can also be a great source of misery in our lives, because we feel our achievements are “less than” others. We’re all gods and goddesses, but we’re too willing to give our power away to societal fears of not being enough. You and I may not be the greatest basketball player of all time without question or debate like Michael Jordan, but we’re not any less important than he is. Think about this for a second, if there were no such thing as basketball, Michael Jordan may have been a used car salesman, or a ballerina, or a guy that work at the grocery store that helps people get stuff off the top shelf, so how could what he is, or what he’s accomplished, be any more or less important than what you and I are? Exactly. The thought that anyone else, and/or what they’ve accomplished, is more important than you or anything you’ve accomplished is bullshit.
The thing that Michael Jordan didn’t do was let what someone else thought he was, not good enough to be on the basketball team in high school, define who he really was. Did a teenage kid think he could be the greatest basketball player to ever walk the planet… ever? Maybe. But more likely, he was just not going to accept the limitations that a high school coach put on him, and allowed a version of himself to be created that transcended the beliefs of the entire world. You and I have the same power to experience ourselves and this Universe in any way we want to, but we must pay attention to the thing inside of us that allows us to be who we want to be without giving a shit about what other people say, do, or think.
I can’t tell you what you specifically are supposed to get from what I write in this book, but I do hope to inspire more people to use the God powers they already have. This means that we must explore what’s really inside of us, what we’re thinking about, and what obstacles we’re letting our bullshit machines put in front of us, and then chasing and fixing, that don’t align with who we are or want to be.
You have the power to “allow” the bullshit machine to run out of gas and bypass the fearful plastic surface thoughts that show up first in meditation. Sitting through the urge to keep sabotaging your life and relationships by reacting to the first thought that comes to your mind is key to learning how you really feel and how you really want to create your life. It gives you a chance to stop grabbing the warm pop at the top, and allows you to remember that the coldest drinks are at the bottom of the cooler, but it takes a little more patience and maybe a chilly hand to get there. The presence we show in our lives is a major force that weakens the bullshit machine which we’ll dive deeper into in the next chapter. You’re far more powerful than the bullshit machine wants you to believe.
© Copyright 2020 by Neil Firszt – All rights reserved.
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