My story begins in childhood because that’s how life works. First you have a childhood, then an adulthood, then retirementhood or grandparenthood (which aren’t really words, but I like them since I made them up, and I’m using them (maybe grandparenthood is a word ( hang on, I’ll google it (YUP! Grandparenthood is a word!)))). If it worked the other way around like Benjamin Button, I would tell the story from that perspective. Now that I’ve scrambled your eggs a little bit with some nonsense, let’s begin…
I was raised in an alcoholic, addicted, and abusive environment and learned at an early age that it’s “my fault” when someone wasn’t happy. Who told me that? Nobody. I made it up in my head when I was a kid because the people around me were miserable most of the time (that’s why they drank) and I didn’t know any better. I wanted to be happy and believed that I couldn’t be unless the people around me were, so I created a people pleasing type personality.
This allowed me to really seek and find all sorts of things that were “wrong” with me when I failed at changing someone’s misery into cheer. The harder I tried, the more I failed, and the more I failed the harder I wanted to try! For decades I would change who I thought I needed to be around everyone I met because of some deep subconscious beliefs that I wasn’t good enough just being me.
I allowed people to control my thinking and take advantage of my low self-esteem which had caused a serious conflict of interest in my mind, body, and soul. Nothing was working in harmony together as I scrambled for answers to “feel better”. When the ego is looking for causes and solutions, it can make us forget that self-care comes firszt (see what I did there with the last name?(Genius!)).
All of this was leading me to believe that I had been a victim of my life rather than a creator, or even a participant! As a victim I had an excuse to look for addictions, and as the child of alcoholic parents, I subconsciously had permission to choose alcohol, even though throughout the years, I chose a lot more to be addicted to than alcohol.
It became so bad that at one point, I felt it would just be easier to be more miserable than everyone else, so they’d take pity on me and I could stop people pleasing, but that didn’t work either. In fact, it made things exponentially worse. I didn’t even notice that I was slipping into a self-hate filled, addicted to everything lifestyle, because I wasn’t ever giving myself the opportunity to be true to myself.
What did nearly a lifetime of telling myself this story that I’m not good enough and that I need to make other people happy in order for me to be happy create in my life? A very unhealthy 40-year-old man that was 75 lbs. overweight, standing naked and crying in front of a full-length mirror one awakening night in November of 2017. It was an hours long self-authentic moment that turned into days of releasing old story after old story through my eyes, nose, and well, I guess everywhere. Basically, it was a shit ton of “ugly crying” that had been building up for decades that I finally let happen.
Over the next few months, I found myself eating better, exercising more, meditating a lot, and feeling way better and healthier than I had in previous years. I was learning about who I was by doing things the “old Neil” would never do, like taking actions for self-love and care. By the time April of 2018 rolled around, I was 75 lbs. lighter, I had no cravings for alcohol, and I had even written a 30 page book called “How I Lost 50 Lbs., Beat Alcoholism, and Changed My Life for Good, Using Meditation and My Mind”, and published it on Amazon. I was definitely catapulting out of my comfort zone by writing that book, but I released and told secrets about myself that I had been keeping for years about the fears and feelings of inadequacies I had stored inside for so long.
In June of 2018, I went to a doctor to have some tests and blood work done to see how my organs were functioning. This was a concern because the last diagnosis I had was in the hospital during my last detox from alcohol and that diagnosis said that my organs might not be healthy enough for me to survive me through the year. But here I was, 20 months later, not only still kicking but absolutely thriving. The results that came from that test were so amazeballs, that even the doctor was shocked especially after hearing my story.
It wasn’t long after those results came, that I realized that everything I had been doing had taken me from near death to a healthy and thriving life! I had gotten out of the prison of anxiety, addiction, and contestant mental and physical pain, and actually healed my dying internal organs. I was able to take my mental and physical health and do a complete 180 degree turn around! The next question I had to myself and the Universe, was how can I teach this to others so they can learn to be free from their pain too? So I continue on this journey of healing and learning, helping people who are willing to know themselves at the deepest level along the way.
So now what do I do? I am an author, life coach, workshop presenter, public speaker, blogger, YouTube video creator guy, and founder of BeHigherBeings. I made a promise to myself and the Universe that if I was ever able to free myself from the anxiety and addiction prison that I was in, that I would spend the rest of my life helping other people do the same. And here we are.
I’m not here to fix your problems. I’m here to help you remember how to use the tools that you forgot you had!
My mission is simple. I want to help people reach their full potential by helping them understand their limiting stories and learning to leave them behind. This leaves the space for creating new stories, goals, hopes, and dreams that align with who you are today, not who you once were. In doing so, you will begin to live again and realize how powerful you truly are.